"When I become a baby again . . ."

We were at the playground today (big surprise) and Mariano is in the midst of a marathon swing session (yet another surprise). He is urging me to push him higher and I feel carpel tunnel syndrome coming on after 30 minutes of this. (Yes, there are occupational hazards that go with full time mommy work!)

He's watching two little girls take turns on his old (and retired) Fisher Price push bike that we have brought to the playground that day to leave behind and "donate" to the play area for the smaller children. This is the first rolling vehicle that Mariano ever played on since it can convert from a walker to a bike. The added features of playing music and coming with plastic balls that you can throw into the front basket made it hugely popular with Mariano, even after his legs had outgrown the actual use of the bike.

Since our move to the "suburbs," however, Mariano is now on a "big boy" bike with training wheels and the need for a helmet.

But today he is watching the girls on the basket bike and reflecting.

"Mama, when I become a baby again, those girls can ride my big bike and I can ride that bike again. When I become a baby again."

"No, sweetie, you're not going to be a baby again. You're getting bigger--not smaller."

"Why?"

"Well, because that's what happens."

I wanted to tell him so much about growing up--all the good things that he gets to do like stay up late and eat chocolate before dinner. He will make friends and have sleep overs and be in a play and kiss a girl so that his stomach does flips. He's going to score goals in soccer, win a swim meet, and learn to fence. Not far from now he'll take his piggy bank (which is really a ceramic tennis shoe that he calls his "piggy shoe") to a bank and open up a little savings account. Even his money will grow.

But all he wants right now is his little bike back and I understand that. I want my little life back. It was the life that included a beautiful house and my wonderful Honda Accord. I had a backyard with real grass and neighbors who made goodies in their kitchens at Christmas. We had a big bathroom with TWO sinks and Mariano's room was painted with the help of two amazing friends. It was a gorgeous room. It was a happy life.

Mariano keeps swinging and checks in once more.

"I don't become a baby again?"

"No, honey. We move forward, not backwards."